my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
