the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
