I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize