well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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