don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
