people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
