..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
