I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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