she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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