Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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