Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
