mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
