yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
