I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
