dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
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He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
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If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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