Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
