she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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