I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
