Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
