you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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