A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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