Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
