new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
