I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize