Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
