I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
