well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
