If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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