he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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