Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
