Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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