There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
