Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The air taste purple.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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