i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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