five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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