bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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