Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We're too hungover to prance.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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