yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
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I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now