Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.