you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.