i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
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my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
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I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
BRING THE BAGELS