that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.