The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
