I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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