On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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