oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
