ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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