I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
