I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
