I think my fart just growled at me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
