this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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