No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
