This is not my ceiling
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
