my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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