I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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