she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
