My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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