I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
