i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize