It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
