My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
