I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
