butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
