Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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