Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Soap is not a condiment
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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