I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
