Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You were trust falling into bushes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
