I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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