wrigley field is MILF paradise
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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