I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
