I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
