I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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