I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
