my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
