Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sorry about my life...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
