I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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