Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
