Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
